Dark Honey Snapefic with Parrot
by sunandshadow
Summary: parrot challenge, mills and boone challenge Draco Malfoy recieves a sapient parrot named Honey as a Christmas present. She works on a romance novel starring Snape and makes mischief. Please review!


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Dark Honey - Snapefic with Parrot

by Sunandshadow aka WickedDelight

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Pairings:

Backstory: LM/SS

Current Story: SS/OFCparrot/DM

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Categories:

Romance/Humor/Adventure

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Rating:

NC-17 eventually, but currently R

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Challenges:

Current Chapter: Mills&Boon, Parrot

Future Chapters: Sex Ed, MPREG, Back in time to MWPP era

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Anti-Litigation Charm:

Noownem Justplayin Notmakin Nemoney

Dontgotne Moneyeither Sodontsue Meplease!

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Chapter One – Psychology of Christmas Presents

Time – A Month Before Christmas

Once upon a time, when Severus Snape had been a newly-initiated Death Eater and intensely gratified to be a part of any society, no matter how depraved, he had actually loved the Malfoys' annual dark revel. The wealthy purebloods had vied with each other to give gifts and entertainments that displayed the givers' wealth, black-market connections, and understanding of the recipient's psychology. The first year Severus had been showered with rare books, proscribed potions ingredients, expensive alchemical equipment… and the one that had turned out to be the most significant, the Malfoy family's traditional hospitality gift: a bed-partner to match each guest's tastes.

It had been a novel and formative experience for skinny, greasy Severus, who'd always had too much intelligence and not enough people-skills, to first be included in the feasts, festivities, and inside jokes, then to return in the warm glow of intoxication to his room and find himself welcomed into the arms of a beautiful and apparently willing woman with a talented body and a flattering (among other things) tongue. He had not been a virgin – Lucius had obligingly removed that stigma from him a year earlier – but it had been his first experience with a woman and a major boost to his self-esteem; even now he was guiltily grateful for the experience. Unfortunately the next morning it had occurred to him to wonder what threats or bribes had been used to compel the woman's obedience, and whether she'd been under orders to take a lock of his hair back to her master for use in a curse or polyjuice potion or any similar thing. Then that evening he discovered that 'mature' Death Eaters were expected to prefer their 'presents' unwilling, and that the real main events of the dark revel took place in the thoroughly soundproofed and torture-device-stocked dungeon below the Manor.

As Severus had risen in experience and rank among the Death Eaters the revels had become as much psychological torture for him as they were literal torture for the kidnapped muggles who were the fodder for these exhibitions of sadism. Each time the feel and smell of the blood on his hands and the screams ringing in his ears stirred up old nightmares and provided the material for new ones. It had been a pure relief when Voldemort had fallen the first time and there was no revel that year while Lucius kept his nose clean for the Ministry's trials. Now, the year after the disastrous Tri-Wizard Tournament, it was with cringing disgust that Severus contemplated the black and silver invitation in his lap. To demonstrate his allegiance he would have no choice but to live through that horror once more, and look like he was enjoying it.

Severus's invitation also had a personal P.S. at the bottom asking if he could stay through Christmas Day for a family dinner with some of Narcissa's relatives. Which was a reminder that he would have to think of something to get Draco for Christmas. He had gifts for Lucius and Narcissa, but as a growing child Draco's tastes changed so fast that Severus had gotten into the habit of waiting until a month before Christmas (today was November 29th) to try and figure out what would both please Draco and not be too dangerous to keep at Hogwarts.

Severus grimaced, tossed the ebony scroll into the fire, then dragged himself out of his chair and off to warn Dumbledore that his potions master was going to disappear for a few days over Christmas.

***

Honey emerged from her bath, shook the water out of her emerald green feathers, and began whistling a sensual rock tune while she preened herself. She was excited – she was going to get a new master! Not that she wasn't fond of master Gaius after belonging to him for twenty-eight years, but their personalities had never been quite compatible, not like master Stephan, or master Cristoph before him… And anyway, now master Gaius was getting married and didn't want to risk finding out how well Honey and his new wife would get along. Either the two would fight, and disrupt his household, or they'd become friends and Honey would tell her new friend all his secrets; either way, Gaius DeVries felt, it would be to his disadvantage to keep the two in the same house.

No, it was time to pass Honey on as she had been passed on to him. So master Gaius had informed Honey that she was going to be his nephew's Christmas present this year; and Honey had been enthusiastic about the change, glad to have a teenager to play with again. Her natural lifespan as a magically bred _Sapientus _Parrot was so long that at almost 200 years old she was still the equivalent of perhaps a 20 year old human, and it was frustrating the way all her masters grew into stodgy middle-aged men, then grandfathers, while she was still energetic and hungry for challenge and adventure. If she was really lucky, her master would be a good transfigurist; it had been years since she had gotten to play at being a weasel, or a lion, or a human…

Recently she's even been so bored that she'd started writing (with the aid of a dicto-quill) a romance novel, tentative title: Sweet Black Oil, main character totally fictional, but somewhat based on a dark, mysterious young man who had caught her imagination when she had met him at the reception after master Gaius' sister's wedding, some twenty years ago now. Honey had been transfigured into a human for the occasion, and had been amusing herself by people-watching and noticing how humans were more appealing to her human senses than her parrot ones, when her attention had snagged on the dark, aloof young man, whose own black eyes were following the white-blond bridegroom. Honey studied, him, noting that he looked pleasingly avian with his slick/fluffy hair like feathers, his black eyes, and his beaky nose. His expression was carefully blank, and she wondered whether he was hiding sadness, anger, or disdain; it wouldn't be boredom, not with the way his eyes were following… now what was the name of mistress Narcissa's beau again? Luc? no, no, Lucius, that was it. This young man was probably one of Lucius' guests to the wedding.

Knowing from long observation how humans did these things, Honey made sure that master Stephan (master Gaius had been only 15 years old at the time, and she hadn't belonged to him yet) was busy elsewhere, then casually rose from her seat and sidled up to the young man's table. When she broached the border of the dark one's personal space his sharp black eyes swung towards her and snapped into focus.

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Who's this, then? Severus wondered grumpily, eyeing the short, curvy girl who had approached him. _Pretty enough_, he evaluated her casually_, but why on earth is she talking to me?_ He said nothing, but regarded her with suspicion.

Just a tad intimidated by the stress of his intense regard, she took a moment to gather herself, than said, "Hello. My name's Honey. And you are?"

"Severus Snape." His voice proclaimed his disinterest in her, but she noticed how rich and deep it was. He rather reminded her of a Raven, actually.

Honey had forgotten that humans had last names, and spent a brief moment of consternation wondering what she say hers was, but then she reasoned that belonging to the DeVries family probably made her a DeVries too. She certainly looked like one with her hair (naturally the emerald green of her feathers) glamoured to a less noticeable blond by master Stephan. So she offered him her newly-adopted name, and her hand. "Honey DeVries."

Severus, who had until this girl's arrival been brooding over the fact that Lucius wanted to be 'just friends' now that he had Narcissa, grew instantly irritated at the sound of 'the other woman's last name. He did not take her hand, instead sneering, "Oh, one of _those_, are you?"

Honey paused, disconcerted. Something was going wrong here. He was _supposed_ to kiss her hand and offer her a seat. She cocked her head at him (as parrots do when considering a problem) and offered tentatively, "Um, you looked like you could use someone to talk to…?"

The girl was doing a perfect impression of a dumb blond hufflepuff, and Severus inwardly winced. That was the _last_ thing he needed to deal with today, especially if she felt inclined to pity him enough to offer him her company. Best to nip this in the bud right away. He pushed himself to his feet so he could loom threateningly over her. And loom he did – the girl couldn't have been more than 5' 2" to his own lanky 6' 4" "_No._ I could not, as you so cleverly put it, 'use someone to talk to'. Particularly a _DeVries_. So if you would be so kind as to _leave me alone_, I would be much obliged."

Well _okay_ then, thought Honey, suddenly reminded less of a raven and more of a very pissed off, very _big_ eagle owl. "OkaynevermindI'lljustbegoingthen!" she said hurriedly as she backed away.

Severus watched her retreat, then settled back into his seat. He permitted himself a small smile at the fact that just by standing tall and snarling half-heartedly he could scare away an almost-fully-grown girl. His mood actually substantially improved by the little spat, Severus managed to find some ironic humor in his situation with Lucius and wish the man a happy marriage.

Honey, on the other hand, now had an indelible Snape-shaped impression in her mind. She had watched him for the remainder of the party, and continued to speculate about him from time to time after she was returned to parrot-form, until she had accreted enough daydreams around her concept of him that he seemed a natural choice for the anti-hero of her romance novel.

Now, speculating excitedly about what life with her new master would be like, Honey wondered amiably whether she would have time to finish her story anytime soon, or whether it would wait until her new master was as old as her current one before calling her to complete it.

***

When Narcissa had conceived Draco, Lucius Malfoy had decided that an almost-empty manor house was no safe place for a pregnant woman who couldn't apparate. Lord Voldemort's war on mudbloods and the Ministry of Magic was heating up, and Lucius was often called away on missions or strategy meetings. Severus Snape already knew Lucius was a death eater, he had basic mediwizard training, and he was the only person Lucius trusted unsupervised in his Mansion. The only problem was that Snape was not terribly fond of Narcissa; however, Lucius had faith in Narcissa's charms and was sure that, given a good opportunity, she could win him over. So Lucius invited Snape to live in the manor while Narcissa was pregnant.

And indeed, Lucius had been correct in his psychoanalysis of Narcissa and Snape: after a week they were civil with each other, in two months they were friends. One day they had been having lunch together and Narcissa had mentioned her relatives, reminding Severus of the 'Honey DeVries' he had scared off at Lucius' and Narcissa's wedding reception. Living in the mansion with a happily-married and in-the-process-of-procreating Lucius and Narcissa had Severus feeling his own loneliness more keenly than usual, and it suddenly occurred to him that a pretty-enough pureblood woman had approached him and he had completely blown her off. Who knows, maybe she hadn't been quite the flutter-head she had appeared at first glance. So he asked Narcissa if she had a relative named Honey.

"Honey? No, I don't… oh wait, _her_. I wouldn't call her a relative though; she's a _parrot_."

Severus, who had met a decidedly human Honey, logically took this as a figurative statement, meaning, 'She's a gossipy, chattery feather-brain I'm embarrassed to be related to.' He nodded, satisfied that he had assessed Honey correctly and not made a mistake in chasing her away. "Ah, just as I thought." he reassured Narcissa, who was looking at him oddly. Narcissa mentally shrugged, and changed the subject.

***

Parrots are naturally very curious, and in their continual quest to fend off boredom they will try to tinker with any new object placed in their environs. Thus Honey, upon finding a dramatic Snape-shaped shadow burned into her brain, enthusiastically poked at this new phenomenon. Being a particularly creative bird, Honey delighted in speculating wildly about whatever caught her imagination; being a polite bird, Honey disliked speculating wildly about a real person; being a particularly intelligent bird, she hit upon the idea of resolving her dilemma by creating a fictional Snape that she could play freely with in her mind. And thus was born Monsieur Soot A. Raven, bird spirit unfortunately born into a man's body, with glittering black eyes, a clever mind, a quick tongue, a tendency to complain, and a fascination for all things shiny and silver.

Before she quite realized what was happening, she had imagined her way into a crush; it's an easy thing indeed to fall for a man who is whatever you imagine him to be. Honey fell for the creature of her imagination, and she fell hard. Now, a female parrot who has a crush on someone is not quite the same thing as a woman who has a crush on someone. Both have a similar urge to take care of their beloved, but where the woman dreams of nibbling his neck, the parrot dreams of preening his feathers. And where the woman _might_ start dreaming of babies, the parrot will be _compelled_ to build a nest and lay some eggs, even where there is no actual male to fertilize them.

Honey, completely realizing that this was her own fault for letting her imagination run away with her, had to suffer through being broody and mateless for a few months before she could wrestle her feelings under control, and a few more before she didn't shiver every time she saw a raven outside. Had she still belonged to master Stephan this would not have been a problem – he, unlike master Gaius, had thought Honey quite charming, and regularly transfigured her into a human for a little recreational sex, and Honey would have been able to work some of her romantic frustration off on him. But Gaius was squicked at the thought of using his father's plaything, so the only way Honey could get any was if she found another bird to play with. And, of course, the only male _sapientus_ parrot she knew was gay.

In 20 years, however, you can get over almost anything, and Honey prided herself on her adaptability. She learned a lesson some humans never learn – to love casually, so she could play with her fantasy without making herself miserable. By the point at which Gaius was ready to present her to her new master she had tamed her concept of M. Raven sufficiently that she was able to begin building a rather domestic romance novel around him; he was an integral part of her mental furniture, like a teddy bear or an imaginary friend. Honey was so used to humans growing old and drifting permanently our of her life without notice that it had never occurred to her that she might once more encounter the real life model for her 'object d'affection'. And now that she was busy anticipating what her new master would be like, and whether he would be willing to transfigure her into a human and play with her, raven-men were the farthest thing from her mind.


End file.
